Big Changes for Mommy

Well since I posted last we have had quite a few changes. I resigned from the Birth Suites as a mother baby nurse after 7 1/2 years. It was such a hard decision to make, but one that I hope to be happy with for EK's sake. I am still going to work PRN for Wellness services and teach prenatal classes. The hours are just much better for me with EK in a 5 day a week special needs program from 7:30-10:45. We are paying quite a lot for her after care on T, W, and Th, just so I could work on the Birth Suites a few days a month.

We have really liked her new MDO (after care) but have recently been told that EK doesn't get to participate in many of the "extra" activities because she gets over stimulated. This maybe true, but I would like to know that she gets to have music time, gymnastics, dance, sports, Spanish, and chapel like her typical peers, especially since I am paying $350+ a month. I am going to have a meeting with her teachers on Tuesday to hopefully see just what she is included in and find out what her behavior is like at MDO.

On Thursday I picked EK up from MDO at 4:30 and she her other late care friends were having a snack. Four of the other children were eating together at one table and EK was at another table eating her snack alone. The late care teacher said "Eva Kate eats her snack by herself because she doesn't do well eating with the other children." What does this mean? This broke my heart for her. She looked so lonely. My thought was... Does she really not do well with them or is she just a little different or more squirky than they are? These things I am interested in knowing. I do not want EK to be a burden to her teachers and be distracting to her peers. I know she is different, butI wanted her to be involved with normal peers for a few hours each week to hopefully see how other 3 years are suppose to act. If she is being held out of the fun activities to play alone in a nursery how will she ever learn and hopefully mimic normal three year old behaviors?

Sometimes I ask "Why EK?" She is so beautiful, smart, and sweet. Why does my 3 year old have to have this disability where she rarely speaks and appears "strange" to outsiders? My prayer is for her to eventually be able to fit in and be understood by people other than Paul and me. Please continue to lift her in your prayers and us too! Sometimes I feel so beat down and like a failure. I often wonder what did I do to cause this? I know I didn't make her autistic, but sometimes I wish I knew what caused this horrible thing to happen to my precious little girl.

LC